Alicia’s story
My name is Alicia Arce, age 27, and my husband is Omar Arce, also 27. He is a Senior Firefighter for Sierra National Forest Engine 51, based in North Fork. I have been married to Omar for three years but together for six. Our daughter Hope Liana is 3 ½ and is an absolute joy. We gave her this name because “hope” is all we had much of the time.
Omar started working on Engine 51 in 2008 but in 2009 moved to Crane Valley Hotshots. He stayed with that crew until 2013, the year we had Hope. Because of her birth, he decided to go back to the engine to be home a bit more, but has considered returning to hotshots. Omar recently accepted a position for Midpines in Mariposa on Engine 312, as assistant fire engine operator. He accepted a temporary promotion and is licensed to drive the engine. This past year he took courses at the Wildland Firefighter Apprentice program, which makes him a permanent employee all year round.
In 2017 it will be his 10th season of being a wildland firefighter.
Omar has wanted to be a firefighter since high school and he plans to fight fire ’til the day he is forced to retire. To him, this job is one that makes a true difference and he can help not only his own community but other communities as well. It is not just a career, it is his passion.
The best part about being a fire wife is knowing I married someone with courage, with backbone; a strong man. I believe one of the reasons I fell in love with him was because I saw how hard he worked and I admired him from the start. He risks his life for others, and how can you not love someone with that kind of spirit? It didn’t hurt that he knew how to use an ax either, hello Mr.Lumberjack!
The most challenging aspect of being a spouse of a firefighter is knowing I have to accept that his job comes first. It sounds blunt but it’s the truth. I just want people to know that while firefighters are definitely heroes and truly some of the bravest people in the country, that fire wives and their families should have some recognition too.
I have been a stay-at-home mother for most of our daughter Hope’s life, selling small artworks to make my own income, which I usually spend on her. I had planned on working while she was a baby, but my health was very poor and child care was too expensive.
Before pregnancy, I had been a waitress and canine dental hygienist. I had also gone to college for five straight years and planned on being a psychologist, wanting to help children of abuse.
Becoming a mother changed my entire life because it triggered something I had no idea was inside of myself, a strange illness that my doctors cannot give me a title for; all I know is this sickness forced me to stop school, end bodybuilding training and made it so I could not continue any normal job or life. After Hope was first born I became extremely ill and at moments really thought I was going to die. During that time most of my friendships crumbled, my grandfather who raised me passed away and I was left alone while Omar was a hotshot being called to fires back to back.
I had struggles with people understanding why I didn’t want to leave the house; people kept saying I was just depressed and to get out. I wanted to be my old self but my body was much too sick, and I had no idea how to cope with it all. I prayed a lot during those dark times and my daughter encouraged me to keep going because I knew I had to for her, no matter how bad I felt. There was no other parent I could rely on for what I was dealing with, and my emotions made me a complete mess.
I am happy to report that while I have bouts of falling and dizzy spells, prayer and meditation have helped me regain most of my health. I plan on healing without the use of medications and by using my mind to overcome any struggle. Some days are better than others but I take it day by day.
For now I have recently accepted a part-time job with Bass Lake Realty, helping to clean rentals. It is still really new to me and hard work but as long as I can earn a little more money for the sake of my daughter, I am happy.
My grandmother and sister help watch Hope now, as do Omar’s parents when I go to work. As far as friend support, I have a few close friends that I adore but I keep much of the fire hardship news to myself, that is just the way I am. I would love to meet more fire wives and have play dates in the future though.
To deal with stress or anxiety when my husband is gone for long periods of time, I turn to my artwork or my writing. I enjoy painting my emotions or scribbling down my thoughts, rather than letting people know how I feel; somehow it is easier for me to put how I feel onto a canvas or write it down privately.
I paint whenever I get the chance, usually when my toddler naps, and it takes me to a place of comfort and ease. I enjoy spending time in my own little world, it truly helps with the loneliness and the millions of thoughts I have about my husband’s safety.
When my child cries for her daddy, I often give her a paintbrush as this helps distract her, for a while anyway. I am doing my best to train her to be independent, even at this age, because I want her to know women can be strong on their own too.
My husband calls when he can, to let me know he loves me and that he believes in me. This morning he called from San Bernardino where he is on the Bluecut Fire and it was a nice relief to hear his voice. My daughter ran away from the phone though, she is a bit upset at him for not being home, she is at an age where it is hard to explain to her why he can not be here. Moments like this are hard but we have to be “fire strong,” as they say. It takes true grit to be a part of a fire family.
I support my husband fully in more ways than one. I not only take on the role of being a mom but sometimes I feel like I am the dad too, as strange as that sounds. I let him know I love him every chance I get and encourage him to do his best. Meanwhile, I attempt to keep the house clean, the clothes washed, and the food prepared, all while raising my child the best I can, on my own. It sounds easy enough when I write it out, especially because we only have one child but, trust me, it can be extremely difficult both mentally and physically.
The only thing I would change is that I wish wildland firefighters were not titled “forestry technicians.” While everyone refers to them as firemen, that is not their official position. This means they do not get as much pay as state firefighters and I truly think that it is not fair because they risk their lives just as much as the others do. We are very conscientious about every penny we earn and are doing our best to save for a house that our child can grow up in. I hope one day they are recognized as real firefighters but as long as the papers say otherwise, we are stuck.
It isn’t easy and often I feel like fire wives live in the large shadow our husbands have cast out into the world. I love my husband to death and worry about him every day, and I respect him completely, but I wish others understood that us fire wives have an entirely different lifestyle than others. Especially during the summer while everyone is enjoying their vacations or days off at the lake, fire wives usually can’t do much because our husbands’ line of work requires us to be close to their station at all times.
We try to squeeze as much family time as we can get into the few days we are allowed to have and avoid making any real plans because we know if a call comes in, it’s ruined. I cannot tell you how many times I tried to go on a “real date” or “family adventure” with my husband only to have him be called an hour in, and we have to drop everything and rush home.
Then once again, I am left alone to watch our child and do everything for her I can, which can be exhausting because when your husband does not get a day off, that means you do not get any rest either. Whether you have one child or many, it is hard on the heart to do everything on your own.
I am proud to be Omar’s wife and stand by him through thick and thin, I will do what it takes to help him in any way I can, even if it means being lonely at times. It has shown me I am much stronger than I once thought and I am setting a good example for my daughter to learn by. I do, however, look forward to winter where fires slow down and I can finally wake up next to my husband and eat breakfast with the whole family together. Just about three or four more months until that can happen!
It takes a strong woman to hold down the home front and while reading other fire wives’ stories I felt so proud of them! It made me want to continue trying my best, too. I wish I could give all the fire wives and families trophies for their support, they deserve it. If any other fire wives or fire family members are reading this, when you are about to fall apart just remember to lift your head, take it one day at a time. Remember to never lose hope.
This is the third in a series of stories about firefighters and families.
Kellie Flanagan is the Managing Editor of Sierra News Online.
Kellie maybe you can find out and run a story as to what is going on in the back lot across from the CHP office.
There is a truck scale and lots equipment there. Kenny Thome